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Simply put, addiction changes your behavior and makes you act in ways that you normally wouldn’t. I know that relationships in the family have gotten strained, but I want you to know that even though bad luck has stricken our family, I do not think any less of you. I can tell you for a fact that getting help for my substance use disorder was the best decision I ever made. As a person who has never struggled with drug or alcohol addiction, I can only speak from that perspective. My insight into your world is only through observation.

Treatment Facilities

I have tried before, but he never would agree to it, and I’m afraid if we don’t do it now, he might not be willing again. This week, I am posting three letters from victims of addiction. Each one provides a different perspective on this marital problem that is very difficult to solve. Our children, too, have been a letter from an alcoholic deeply affected by your alcoholism.

What Happens After Treatment?

• We need you to be present, engaged, and sober for the sake of our children’s future and the health of our relationship.
• In the hopeful future approach, you paint a picture of the positive future you envision for your relationship once your husband achieves sobriety.
• I have already hinted at the fact that drug abuse is prevalent in my family.

If she isn’t in the mood to talk about it, I leave it at that. I’ve seen the destruction of alcoholism first-hand. It killed your grandfather as a result of an auto accident, and it killed your grandmother slowly as a result of liver disease. I had to watch this happen in real time, and it led me alcoholism treatment to my own struggles.

Open Letter from a Child of an Alcoholic

I believe that feeling of loss is something similar to what you are experiencing in order to live on. Your old life must die, and there is tremendous pain with that death. Each day you will want to use substances just one more time. Time may heal all wounds, but the scars are there forever. Every day, I have unfulfilled wants that are not centered on anyone else.

If you want to remain married to your husband, and avoid depression at the same time, I highly recommend that you do something other than hold out hope for his recovery. After you are separated, explain to him that he can have a relationship with you or alcohol, but not with both. Wives of alcoholics usually know about their husbands’ sexually abusive behavior toward their daughters and offer themselves as “bait” to prevent their abuse.

Their innocence is slowly being eroded, and it breaks my heart to see them suffering. They deserve a safe, loving, and predictable environment where they can thrive, learn, and grow. Your addiction has disrupted the family dynamics they need for healthy development, and this weighs heavily on my mind. Please, my love, let us work together to build a healthier and happier future for ourselves and our family.

• You have strained my relationships, especially with my husband (or wife), parents, and children.
• Having an addicted family member is tough, but having an addicted child is absolutely crushing.
• This is one of the hardest things I’ve ever written.
• I want you to know how much I love you and how deeply committed I am to our relationship.
• Together, we can break the chains of addiction and build a brighter, healthier future.
• This is the future I see for us, and it fills my heart with hope and optimism.

A Safe and Non-Confrontational Approach

Our daughter was initially annoyed with me for writing this letter, but after some soul-searching, she understood where I was coming from. It took a few more weeks, but ultimately she decided to seek help at Icarus in New Mexico. Through her experience in treatment and support groups, we are now slowly getting back the cheerful daughter that we were so sorely missing.

In the next section, we’ll dive into the heart of the matter, providing you with ten different approaches you can consider when composing your impactful message. In your letter, clearly outline your boundaries and the steps you need for your own well-being. This can include requesting that your husband seeks treatment, attends support groups, or respects certain boundaries in your relationship.

Reflect on Your Feelings

You can be as strict or as lenient as fits your situation, but things like required program attendance and sobriety should be primary points in your restrictions. Be sure that this section does not become an exhaustive list of every large and small grievance you have that relates to addiction. While you may have dozens of examples to share, going too far in depth can begin to feel like a bashing session, and this diminishes the effectiveness of your objective. Instead, focus on the most meaningful and significant examples that are likely to have the maximum impact. In the introduction of a letter, state who you are and your relationship to the subject of an intervention.